Last Monday I shared a story at Christian Union I had never really told anyone before because I couldn’t. It was about a girl I met, a girl I was in love with. She was everything I wanted and dreamed to be. I shared with her my secrets, my struggles, my longings and dreams for the both of us. No matter what I was going through she always found a way to make things better, she never left my side. I watched her grow from a child to a young woman. Our hearts beat the same, our thoughts were alike.
When I was 16 we had to part ways. Things were difficult for me then with my hope fading and my mind changing. She could no longer help me fix my problems but I was with someone who said he could, would and did change them for me. Every attempt to stay connected with her fell apart so suddenly but it all came as sure as the sun rising after a sleepless night. What was great about her was no longer important to me; my infatuation had come to an end along with my dreams of her. We agreed on our goodbyes and it felt like I was starting from the beginning again. It has been a long time coming but I can finally say who that girl was.
That girl was me, the hero me. The me whose only flaw was her temper and past.
She was a warrior, a princess and an angel.
When I was weak, she was strong. When I didn’t feel pretty she was the me in my head that was beautiful and all the guys were interested in. She was sassy and blunt, peculiar and fun. People could never walk over her or she’d knock them over the head with her super strength. Renowned in her world as the champion of the universe: Star, The Starryeyed Girl and she was my Hero.
Today I rinsed my hair in cider vinegar and bathed in salts from the Dead Sea.
So continuing on from my last post, what really inspired it was a post from Heather Lindsey asking what do other people do when they are upset?
She gave the example that whenever she got into an argument with her husband she would hop in the car and drive away or go out of town and take random holidays as a way to ‘cool off’ but one thing that stood out to me was that by doing that she said she was practicing divorce, she was practicing running away when things got hard and I know you may be thinking but my friend’s aren’t my spouse but you have to realise how you treat others is practice for how you will treat your one day spouse, as you will very likely be friends with him or her at first and if you are in the habit of holding grudges, getting bitter or running back and forth between two places whenever someone hurts you this will eventually seep into other relationships you may form in the future.
It always seems as though if I am not being awfully obscure in my posts then I am unashamedly transparent for some weird reason. But since this is one of those transparent posts it is going to be long. So grab yourself some popcorn and make sure you are warm and comfortable!
When I was younger I had a very innocent and you could say very naive mindset about friendships and trusting people in my life. I was the self-proclaimed, ’Girl whose friends with everybody’ and I would walk around with this sticker on my forehead saying ‘Hey, I want to be your friend’! I joke about the sticker but whenever someone did ask me why I was friend’s with particular people I said it was because I wanted to be friend’s with everyone. No matter how they were it was always my aim and my pride to do what others were reluctant to do because of my romantic view of the world but then you eventually do get older and people do lie, stab you in the back, forget or take advantage of you and years of that happening to you or those you love, you begin to see everyone like that.
So every time a friend hurt me that sticker on my forehead would change till the point my saying was ‘accept no one, trust no one’ (the saying was something more vulgar than that but lets keep it rated U.) One thing that didn’t change was my reaction when friends hurt me, I would run away from dealing with it by dropping a friend like that or say nothing and let all the negative feelings well up.
I guess this would be a quick heart to heart kind of post.
Do you ever feel like talking just for the sake of talking? As though you say all of the wrong things just to fill the emptiness of ‘small talk’ or lack thereof.
So you talk and talk saying things you really don’t mean, as a way to cover up what’s really been bothering you.
So here it is… What’s been bothering me?
To be honest I really don’t know. Some of it I believe ranges from expectancy to disappointment and from the battle to contend with discontentment to the little negative frame of mind that peeps up every so often.
I’ve made a business out of
Who he will be
That’s the key
Him just being
But I’m just seeing
Things that will profit me
So even though I’m interested
He is like a worn out money bag with holes
And God knows
That’s all I sow
Into tired relationships
That become taxed
Out of respect
Has kicked in
And this is how you kill a hopeless romantic
So this is my last post of 2013 and after a much needed quiet time; I had time to think over the past year.
One of the things I realised I had to do for most of last year even up to now was renew my mind. Get rid of old patterns of thoughts that did not serve me, others and in most cases didn’t glorify God.
Patterns of thoughts that crippled me with fear, kept me bitter, kept me carnal, spiritually lethargic and begrudgingly inept to show kindness, grace and love. I had found myself becoming self-absorbed, envious and prideful only to be quickly humbled by God. I found fulfilment in likes and RT’s delighting over the trivial than in God himself and all that he has planned for me.
If this has been you too before the year is up:
Snatch your mind back from satan!
Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding….She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her; those who hold her fast will be blessed.
This really shouldn’t be called a day in the life of post more like a month. But this is my latest video on my outube channel documenting my happenings during the month of November and the end of october. I went to a bonfire display for the first time ever, went to London MCM expo for the first time, went to my first ever film premiere too and saw Wong Fu up close and personal for the first time too! So there were a lot of firsts for me in the lovely month of November!
In a few days time it will be 2014! i really don’t know how to feel other than Thank You Jesus for this year and the next!
So on the 22nd of November,
Friend, Pastor and Gospel Artist Levi Santana released his first album called Enter His Courts. It was a lovely evening with the man himself performing songs from his EP live with a band.
Enter His Courts is an EP that bursts with personality and is quite refreshing listening to. From the energetic worship arise to the softer search me; if I had to summarise the EP in one word it would be
I had the privilege to photograph the night and interview Levi leading up to the night. This is what he had to say.
So I’ve recently taken up salsa as an extra curricular activity so that I don’t reach the great age of 30 and had wished I got more involved in all these free activities during my time at uni. So being too intimidated to join the BU Dance society once more. I thought, “Hey Salsa! That should be fun and easy”. I thought it was only a matter of wining in step and tastefully smanging it but how wrong could I be? One of the reasons for not joining in my first year was I just had a very huge dislike of anyone touching me and besides I thought the people joining would either be über attractive or really awkward or worst thirsty. So I was sure that salsa was something I was never going to do. I’d just learn it for my wedding day, ne?
I had so many excuses back then but being in your last year of uni humble pie really isn’t that bad.