Letter to a silhouette lover
I wrote letters 1-5 addressing you
but I ended up deleting them all
So I guess this may just be my first and last letter
Words like concealed and feelings become so very
vague
like how I could never see you fully
just an outline that I would trace over with my eyes
Hoping that you would turn around at just the right time
and maybe the first thing I would see about you
would be those frosted windows
Though I’ve dreamt of kisses from other men that
are revolutionary like arab springs
and as beautiful as the heart of paris
My mind always draws back to a shadow
plain like the streets of london
A collage of memories that turn into
a picture of yet to be promises
that have only fulfilled their purpose as being excuses
like “I’m waiting for….”
It was then that I noticed…
All I ever really knew was your name
and maybe it was your name that was
all that ever needed to be known.
Passion and Purpose: Making Investments
Good morning y’all!
And this is the first post on my passion and purpose devo. I was very hesitant about starting this especially as there will be quite a few posts around the same subject and I am very inconsistent but a good read on making investments today really helped make my mind up about this. My upcoming series of posts will be looking at Passion and Purpose as a young person, I will be talking on Ambition, Inspiration and Working and trying to connect them all to how that relates to a girl who wants to become a proverbs 31 woman and even though my primary audience are young women; I do hope guys can learn a lot from it too.
So for my quiet time, I read Ecclesiastes 11. Ecclesiastes is known as the philosophers book in the Bible, half the time it can be quite depressing to read because the writer of it looks very deeply at life, he does not beat around the bush ever and he just gets straight to the point and concludes that you know what live life cause it is going to go someday but he does have a lot of wise thoughts on life.
The Investments Chapter
So Ecclesiastes 11 it titled as The uncertainties of Life but to me it is now known as the “How to make an investment” chapter. This chapter talks about giving generously and it coming back to you. That investing in many things may actually be a good idea cause when times get hard at least one of those things will blossom. What Stuck out to me the most was verse 4,
Farmers who wait for the perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest.
Ecclesiastes 11:4
Now I am not sure about you but I am definitely not a risk taker. I think long and hard about my decisions the more uncertain things are the more likely I will take the safer option or back out all together. I like a situation to look or be indefinite before I put even half my eggs in the basket. But I have missed out on amazing opportunities and prolonged matters all because I have been too “cautious”. There is another story of a dude who was too cautious and it even costed him his life.
There is a story of Three Servants who got a few bags of money from their master before he left for a trip; giving each one according to their own ability. Servant 1 received 5000 gold coins, and went off to invest in it straight away, and ended up making double of his original price. Servant 2 received 2000 gold coins, he took some time but eventually made another 2000. Then there was servant 3 who received 1000 but didn’t know what to do with it. He considered investing it like the other two, and did a whole load of talking about investing it, even bragging he’d make triple but would he do it? what if it all flops with him? What if he can’t even make 1 gold coin more? So he dug a hole and hid the money. The master returns from his journey calls the servants together and asks them what did they do with the money?
Servant 1 brings forward his investments as well as servant 2 and the master seeing they had both made double their amounts praises and celebrates with them. Servant 3 arrives back, muddy and out of breath with a sack in his hands.
Servant
Sir, I know you are a hard man; you reap harvests where you did not plant, and you gather crops where you did not scatter seed. I was afraid, so I went off and hid your money in the ground. Look! Here is what belongs to you.
Master
You bad and lazy servant! You knew, did you, that I reap harvests where I did not plant, and gather crops where I did not scatter seed? Well, then, you should have deposited my money in the bank, and I would have received it all back with interest when I returned. Now, take the money away from him and give it to the one who has ten thousand coins. For to every person who has something, even more will be given, and he will have more than enough; but the person who has nothing, even the little that he has will be taken away from him. As for this useless servant—throw him outside in the darkness; there he will cry and gnash his teeth.
(Matthew 25:24-30)
Now doesn’t this story stir sunday school memories? Servant 3 was afraid to do something. He settled with what he had and made up excuses, nothing was stopping him but he was afraid and as the master says lazy. If I was given an extra £1000 for free you’d be sure I’d invest in it even keep it in my savings for rainy weather or to start up something. Sometimes we aren’t being cautious we are just being lazy or too fearful when we decide not to move. Being cautious only requires you to be attentive and alert but you CAN continue on with progress. Being cautious means you pay attention to where you are going more but never stay stagnant. Look up all the synonyms for cautious and you will never see stagnant or any word associated with it as a synonym for cautious.
The Proverbs 31 Woman
She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.Verse 18-20
The wise woman is not idle but she is an entrepreneur! She takes risk but with wisdom. She makes sure her dealings are profitable, her lamp burns late into the night.
She always ensures that what she has invested in will actually make herself a profit, if her lamp is burning late into the night it means this chica is prepared! she is working up until then making sure
- Her family is in check.
- Her business in check
- Her list (reference to I don’t know how She does it) in Check!
If this lady represented anyone else in The Bible she’d be one of the 5 wise girls who brought extra oil along with them for the wedding (matt 25:1-13) she’d be one of the other two servants who invested their dough.
Once she has finished one thing she is on to the next grind, and that is investing in the poor and the needy. She is generous, kind and a cheerful giver and she can be sure that as long as God has anything to do with it that same generosity will come back to her someday double double.
So ladies and maybe a few guys who are reading this what do we do? I know some things need to be thought through even some of our leaps of faith, and not all risk taking would be advisable.
but Here is one thing we can do and this is where it all starts!
Ask God for wisdom (James 1:5)
We may be bright academically but can be lacking on the common sense side of things. If you ask God he WILL give you wisdom! and he will give it generously to all and won’t ever tell you off for asking or send you away empty. He will definitely give it! God is a kind father and will help us make wise investments, he will help you make more if it means you can give and help those who are in need more. He will help you make smart decisions and get you doing above and beyond as long as you trust him. So we never have an excuse because If God is FOR us who can be against us Romans 8:31.
Thought it through? Now let’s Act!
The Fear of Yahweh is the foundation of wisdom. Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgment.
Proverbs 9:10
Wisdom has a foundation as it says in proverbs 31 that a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. When you have a reverent fear and awe-inspired knowledge for God and who he is, it leads to wisdom and good judgement as he is the source of these two things. Times are hard, and it is wise to make the most of every opportunity that we do have. We shouldn’t settle for anything less than greatness, we should never be ok with living foolishly but be moved to see others moved, to make an impact and difference in their lives. Invest in a range of things.. wisely of course and see God multiply those loaves of bread and fish. haha
Most of all as a christian the Gospel that should be our biggest venture, to see Jesus transform and change lives! To invite as many as possible to the wedding feast, to encourage the prodigal back to the father. So don’t forget to invest in your friendships, your spiritual family and your real fam. The fields are ready for harvest but there are few workers, lets inspire others to get out on those fields; You may end up stumbling on treasure.
Food for thought:
- How has God invested in you today?
- list 100 ways God has been generous to you this week
- Are you living wisely?
Bises
Tosin
Come Alive
Can’t deal with the mediocrity, they blaspheme cause of this complacency.
If the word of God is Alive and real then we gotta start breathing
start speaking
take up our mats and follow him
but we stay seated
only sweeping
yeah sweeping things under the rug
fitting in
looking like fools
we look like dull tools with no use
but soon God will use the weak things to shame the strong
that is why I am tired of the false prophets
killing my brothers
raping my sisters
starving our children
causing more unbelief in unbelievers
Every false promise becomes a slur
twisting words
desecrating The Name
for their Fame
And lately the union between God’s spirit and ours is looking passionless
and if that is all that there is
I am not looking forward to sex after marriage
cause if marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church
then she tripping big time
cause he a good man
and he love deep
deep blood red
but she wears scarlet
she a harlot
missing out on Joy
chasing after fools gold
He wants to put her in a white dress
cause he a good man
and he love her deep
but lately she can’t see him
cause she only sees the mirror
but he still stay a good man
loving her deep
deep blood red
and my heart aches
it aches
Cause I know that his spirit within me gives me potential
To see mountains moved
but lately I am only settling to see myself moved from my bed
threatening over foolish things like
when will I get a ring?
Can they hear me sing?
Is this Christian?
It is time to come alive
Ears open
Eyes seeing
Heart believing
to walk in christ given authority
This is our time
the harvest is ready
and God is hiring
let me make this clear
when I call on God
I call on one
Yahweh El-shaddai
Not Allah or Buddah
Krishnah or Forces
Not money or fame
your fam or yo dogs
yo chick or that whip
no other
Cause there is only one and he is true
no shifting shadow about him
he lights up the world
giving freedom to the captive
breathing life into dry bones
making them flesh
while healing pinkies and making sure you don’t stress
that is why
Sin and disbelief will no longer bind you
chain you
or enslave you
Complacency will become foreign
You will speak in passion
Truth will become your native tongue
and your homeland will be Love
Your national flag will be
יְהוָה נִסִּי
cause he will tat his name on your heart
make you his
and he yours
wipe away every tear
draw you near
So let these lyrics touch you
stir you
Praying that God will fan into
a flame
a passion for his name
his very face
Pure hearts will see him
His loving kindness reaching
Your sin he’s defeated
So let the chosen ones
start preaching
If you believe, you’ll see the glory of God
Roll that stone away
If you believe that Jesus was sent
Roll that stone away
If you believe Jesus is who he says he is
Roll that stone away and see the glory of god
Cause Jesus looked up to heaven and gave thanks to the father
he shouted “Come out, Lazarus!”
and Lazarus came alive
If you hear his voice today
don’t harden your heart
but come back
come out
and
Come Alive
Praise
As I wait
I will praise you
let the earth give praise to you forever more
My Hope; My Salvation
An ever present help when troubles come
My Rock; My Anchor
You carry me
When all is lost
I still find everything in you
my one true possession
you are all I need
Yes
You are all I need
Unforgiveness
I know when he is calling but I ain’t got his number saved
-Andy Mineo
Introduction
If I don’t knock out after writing this please expect another post on the “Holding place” that post is more on relationships and ambitions and it really ties in with this post!
But yeah today I lead the CU prayer meet and it was on *breathes* ….. Unforgiveness. God really pressed it on my heart from last week up until this week that it needs to be addressed especially as I have been harbouring some unforgiveness myself. But a couple of weeks before that Andy Mineo *love sigh*.
(If you haven’t already noticed this human being has me gassed)
but back to being somewhat serious again. Mr.Mineo realeased his single bitter from his album Heroes For Sale. I was dodging that song as I had a feeling it was going to be conviction galore but it being Andy Mineo… I could no longer resist, I had to have a listen; so after praying and a lil read from my Bible; I followed the link to youtube, turned up the volume and instant conviction.
I could no longer hide from my “but I am not bitter” ‘s and “I so have forgiven so and so even though they are a *insert a plethora of derogatory remarks*”
I was still struggling to forgive them, I was still struggling to forgive myself.
Before I knew it I was singing along to the lyrics
“I don’t wanna be bitter.. so take it all away”
God will provide!
On the third day of their journey, Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.
Genesis 22:4
Ok so Cool? Did God just ask Abraham to give his only son? But did he not tell Abraham a couple of years back that it would surely be Isaac that God will bring about the promise of having descendants as numerous as the stars (Gen 15:5)
God had not gone back on his word because after years of waiting; the barren Sarah who had lost hoped whom laughed at God’s plan now conceives and gives birth to an heir. There was the long awaited promise nested in her arms. God had shown himself faithful; all-powerful and full of surprises but now what was God doing? what was he up to? Instead of this child of promise being nested in his mother’s arms, he would be nested upon an altar as a sacrifice?! All Abraham could probably think of was how God would turn this situation around, that even if his Son should die, God will raise him from the dead (Hebrews 11:9) Surely God will make a way again where there seems to be no way.
Looking up, they see they have reached their destination. This mount would have most likely be seen as a place of loss, hard testing and pain to Abraham yet it would be this place that the glory of God would be proclaimed for generations, the extent of his mercy, love and faithfulness shown even more greater and wonderful than before, and most of all the grander promise and foreshadowing of the Messiah, the lamb who will take away the sins of the world!
You may be in a place right now where you are convinced I mean you are sure without a speckle of a doubt God has promised you something but now things have taken an unexpected turn or this promise is so slow in coming it doesn’t look like it would ever materialise or you are struggling to trust God and his plans for you. This morning I want to encourage you! Whatever trial you are in and whatever mountain you are facing; in faith reply like abraham “God will provide” (Genesis 22:8). Shout it to the rooftops, speak it to your heart, your circumstamces and everyone that “Yes! God will provide!”
Abraham was obedient to God to the very end, and he held even more tighter to God’s promise believing with his whole heart that God will most certainly provide a way, as Yahweh is not a God who puts to shame those who place their trust, hope and life in him (Romans 10:11; John 15)
God stopped Abraham in the nick of time, and provided a Ram instead, this precious symbol of what was to come! Christ the cornerstone of every single one of God’s promises. It is IN Jesus that ALL of God’s promises are a “Yes!” (2 Cor 1:20) And it is in Jesus they are fulfilled to the glory of God. Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous even being called a friend of God (James 2:23) Abraham did not withhold his one and only Son from him but acted in faith. His faith was tested, he endured and received the crown of life (in this case the life of his son) as God has promised to those who love him (James 1:12)
Some will think you foolish, circumstances may try to discourage you, the wait may be long, the fight hard, it may even hurt and you may want to give up but rest assured in the times of hard testing, when you are on the mountain that God calls you to, remember it is true and will always be true…
on the mountain of the LORD it will be provided. Genesis 22:14
Yahweh-Yireh.
Yahweh will provide because “God can be trusted to keep his promise..” (Hebrews 10:23)
Be blessed
Love Tosin
The Girl in the White Dress: If
The Man in the White suit asked,
“If your feelings are never reciprocated; would I still be enough?
Her tears stained her dress.
“Yes!” she cried “You are all I need.”
Heartbreak and Starting Over
August.
I layed on my bed after a busy day of nigerian fanfare, vows and predictable lateness.
I layed there and recapped on my day as one would normally do.
Every thought grew into a numbing pain that quenched the fires of a once joyful heart.
Had I have known 3 years prior this would be the inevitable beginning of the end,
I would have set my gaze to the window behind me
and if I should have been tempted to so much as look at him for longer than a second
I would then set my attention towards the sun
because surely temporary sun blotched sight would have been better than crying rivers.
“How could he leave like that… I would never do that to a friend”
I wept.
Heartbreak, I guess this is a topic I have been avoiding these past few months, mostly because until now I didn’t know how to express it except in my poems..and the occasional rant… and maybe a few indirects. Really the list stops there.
If I am being honest i never thought it would be me. That I would become “That” girl, you know the one in dramas, she is honest and successful, pretty and popular but is never the main character, she is never the main girl who the lead guy is interested in, I thought being that girl for so long, maybe this time around I will catch my break and get leading role, but things didn’t turnout that way.
I say this story because it is good to release, and I say this story because I do hope it brings whomever may read this closer to God and knowing who he is. We get heartbroken for many reasons, and it is always because we are emotionally attached to something we have invested time, energy, and our hopes into. This may be someone, something, maybe a cause, a group of people, that ice cream you finished this afternoon, as humans we like to invest and we want to see growth, and a profit from our investments, but like all things that are of this world, they will come to an end and obviously we don’t shrug our shoulders, if you are someone like myself who wears their heart on their sleeve, when things come to an end you feel it.
You like someone, and they go from a crush to someone you really do respect and admire. You want to know what makes them angry and what makes them laugh. why they think the way that they do. You never thought it was possible to become so intrigued by another person. Your friends say you laugh louder when he is around, or that your eyes sparkle or you speak with a really soft voice. At some point You really hope that you and this person can be more than friends, even though you have convinced yourself time and time again it would never work out and if you were one of the lucky few who did end up with them kudos, well maybe I shouldn’t say kudos this is a heartbreak post after all. Let me be serious again.
Then at some point the rose coloured glasses get lifted. And apart from the fact you learn a lot about who they are, you learn even more about who you are. I was insecure, I had made this crush into an idol, most of all I did not know or recognise my worth. I did not fully digest that I was God’s Poiema. And that he had better for me, much better, and even if there was no other guy afterwards, that God could and would be all that I would ever need because I didn’t understand who God was properly.
I guess what I am trying to say is that, if you are heartbroken right now, don’t feel ashamed, stop beating yourself up for feeling the way that you do because
a. It means that your heart isn’t hard, you feel, you breathe, you are alive.
b. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18
When your heart shattered, God made sure not to lose a single piece of your heart. He has it all in his hands and he wants to bandage the wounds. He wants to give you a new heart, a change of mind. This will make you stronger but please don’t think that placing your hope in something else other than God will heal those wounds, not a career, not a new boyfriend/girlfriend, or new shoes or a new camera, and please don’t use this as an opportunity to build taller and sturdier walls. Not all men are like that and not all women are like that. We are human and hurt people hurt people. To love is to expose yourself, and to love with the divine love of the creator makes you the most lowliest yet strongest man in the world. Especially as a christian one who has been born again and made new, we know that second chances exist, another chance to love better, walk better, act better and think better all for the sake of christ. Yes that boy or girl broke your heart, yes you really cared, but now is time to let go and leave the cage that stops you from singing free at last. Cry if you have to, sing, and dance. walk in the rain with only a hoodie, go on mini road trips to see the london christmas lights with friends who love and care for you, trash your room out of anger, slow dance to lucy rose with your shadow, write poems, eat, sleep, then worship the father some more. Never let praise be far removed from your mouth, never let his glory fade away from the eyes of your heart. Most of all forgive. The person, the people, the mistakes, especially forgive yourself.
I have to admit I do find it hard to forgive myself because I liked this person for ages, and I see all that time that is now gone, all that time where I had hoped for fruit to find out in the end that all this time I was farming in wastelands. I liked him like a brother, respected him just as I would any friend and because of him I was inspired to do many things.
It is a process, and I hope in this time of brokeness you will learn more about the father’s heart, because a broken and repentant spirit God will not despise (psalm 57:17) It is in our place of brokeness, when we finally reach the end of ourselves we are in a good place to meet with God; for his power works best in our weakness ( 2 Cor 12:9).
You will rediscover God’s love in new and profound ways, opportunities to learn to trust him and establish your house on the solid rock. You will love again, and laugh again, not because of nice eyes and a pleasant smile but at the realisation that You belong to God and he belongs to you and nothing in all of creation can snatch you away from the palm of his hands. You will start over and you will be stronger, wiser and to your surprise more loving. In places where the darkness whispered as if to taunt “whose that girl?” God’s light shines in reply saying “My Girl”.
This pain is momentary and is nothing compared to the glory to come.
Be encouraged, this is not the end it is only the beginning.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39
#WorldPoetryDay and new poem
Today I fell in love again
however this time it wasn’t with a nice smile
and pleasant eyes
and the name “laughter”
Today I fell in love with the way I rise every morning
as though God has me practising
for the day
he will call me up from the grave
I fell in love with second chances
more grace to get it right
whether it be in speech
writing
thoughts
the way I walk or use my hands
I fell in love with opportunities
I fell in love with deep breaths
and sun rays that splash on the edges
of faux fur resting on my head
peeking out to say hello to the wind
that on most days it will name grumpy.
I fell in love with sounds
rugged or high pitch
low or smooth
What matters most is that I fell in love with the little things today
I fell in love with my skin
my quirky smile
this short frizzy hair
and my stature
because today I felt no need to compare
I fell in love with people I found difficult to love
and those I had forgotten
Today I fell in love with life
realising that even when there are rainclouds
and spring is slow in coming
God will tell those showers to bless me
and the snowflakes to kiss my ears
as they remind me of his promises.
So to my surprise, I found out it is world poetry day! Thank you twitter!
I guess this post will be to say a couple of my favourite poets and poems
1.The Striver’s Row
I had the privilege and opportunity to see and even meet this amazing coterie. But like anyone else I do have my favourites, that isn’t to say I don’t admire Ms.Mans fierceness in presenting the truth unadulterated that is the nitty gritty of society and culture in hard hitting punches that will cause your middle finger and thumb to wrestle, monsieur Lissaint’s melodic performances that sweep the ears and heart away to lyrical wonderlands, Zora Howard is exceptional she makes ever letter play hop-scotch and when it is time to stop with the games these letters grow into words of a #31Status and lest we forget the tall drink of water that is Miles Hodges, whose words are no less than his very soul, giving rays of light into his life and very being. They are fantastic poets but but but but….
Joshua Bennett
I first heard Joshua Bennett through tumblr, and it was his poem 10 Things I want to say to a Black Woman, that put him on my radar. These were words I needed to hear at the time, and this is a poem I recommend to every black woman under the sun.
Alysia Harris
I only started to listen to her poems when I first heard about The Striver’s row from my friend Sherida. We made plans to see them as they would be in the UK for the first time ever. Got to be at their first UK show ever by the way, hey hey. I was streaming through her poems and I stumbled on one. Now there is a story behind this one because the day before I was crying..a lot. Dare I say it was over a boy… It was. I think I was going through my first ever serious Heartbreak, and what hurt wasn’t the fact that it was not reciprocal in every sense of the word. I was grieving over hurt feelings, over foolish thinking, hopes crushed, “being a fluffer”, time wasted and the realisation that not even a friendship existed. I remember that day having a very heartfelt conversation tears et all with a friend of mine, and God finally gave me the strength and grace (somebody say “glory” ) to finally move on and say enough is enough. *plays look at me now (clean ver. as in christian ver.)*
I woke up the next day having a wonderful sense of freedom and I just fell in love with the word Freedom. After a month of pain, sadness, confusion, anger and bitterness, I finally felt JOY. I could never forget that morning, I felt such a release and you know that freedom post I did a while back was adapted from the original sketch I made that morning to show that finally this bird was free and she can sing once more and no one will ever be able to lock her up again, not even herself. I stumbled upon Alysia Harris’ Poem Joy and everything that I had been feeling from September to right up to that moment was condensed into 4 minutes and 35 seconds. I actually got to explain this whole story to Alysia Harris on the day #Winning and she gave me a huge hug. This Poem means so much to me, because I believe God gave me courage through it. Knowing that someone else has been in the exact same place, and that the Joy I am feeling now isn’t because things are more bearable today or that my body was telling my eyes to rest, but this Joy was something that could never be taken away, it was a joy of realising I have today, that every breath I am taking speaks of a hope that is coming and the grace that sustains and that yeah I tripped, and fell and really hurt myself but here is Today, another chance to walk better, love better and serve better. There are some things I am only understanding about this poem now, back then it was vague but reading it again… totally blows my mind!
So do enjoy this poem!
2. The Psalms
My writing style is inspired by the psalms… well a few of the psalms. If you have noticed I have quite the motif to my poems. If you don’t already know, the Psalms are a collection of songs and poems in the Bible, most written by David , he was a musician after all. He really had a CV in his hands . Psalms is such a great book in the Bible and it is a source of encouragement to many I won’t say only for Christians but for everyone, it relates to everyone no matter where you are in life. Most of all it is very relevant to me as a poet and is a constant source of inspiration. I don’t have a favourite Psalm, however in this season of my life Psalm 23 speaks volumes, so a lot of what I am writing story wise or in poetry is leaning towards it.
3.My friends
I am so blessed to know people who are just fantastic poets and they really do inspire me. Jolade, Jordan and Ibiene are to name a few. Check them out!
But until next time
Tosin
